List Of Gripes: Supermarket

There are certain rules that regular, polite shoppers adhere to. My main gripe is with those imbeciles who break The Rules:

Don’t park your trolley in front of a whole row of produce/an entire shelf. COS THE REST OF US CAN’T GET TO THE STUFF THEN, CAN WE?! Put your trolley elsewhere. You’re not the only one who cares about how fresh the potatoes are.

If I am in your way, employ ‘real world’ tactics, and ask me to move. This can be achieved through using the ever popular ‘excuse me…’ or the more risqué ‘sorry, can I just…?’ with a smile. Standing behind me sighing will just ensure I dither longer over which pasta to buy. Fucking sap.

Don’t allow your child to push the trolley. When they bleat on at you to let them push it, PLEASE JUST LET ME PUSH IT MUMMY – use your parental control and tell them NO. Small child with weak arms + mahoosive shopping trolley with rusty wheels = anarchy / strangers with bruised shins. Those little seats at the front of the trolley is where your child belongs.

Do not linger in the middle of aisles, chatting (whether it be on your phone or to your mate who also has a trolley) – you’re taking up valuable trolley space.

Finally. When you make it to the checkout, and have no doubt transferred your shopping from trolley to belt in chaotic order; there are long plastic dividers in front of you, with NEXT CUSTOMER PLEASE or something similar, emblazoned down each side. Etiquette states that it is your job to place this between your shopping and mine. Because if you don’t, I will begin transferring my shopping from trolley to belt (in a carefully disciplined order, of course) – RIGHT NEXT TO YOURS! That’s right buddy. Whereupon you will probably panic, and make a grab for one of those little plastic dividers, and SLAM it down behind your multipacks of crisps, white bread, and sugary cereals. (yep, I’m a judgmental shopping snob. But only when I am doing non-hangover shopping).